All day at work I do nothing but sit on my butt in front of my computer. What if I actually did something butt-strenuous for a living, like a rodeo cowboy or a luger? This is completely unacceptable.

So why is so much available real estate left vacant right there on the front of a typical button-down shirt? Why do designers stop at two pockets?

My friends, those days are over. Topman has revolutionized the shirt game.

Boom, they went to 5 pockets!¹ Five glorious pockets all over the front of this shirt! There are so many pockets that they had to put a pocket on top of another pocket just to squeeze ‘em all in.

“I don’t know, I think that’s too many pockets.” What?! There’s no such thing as “too many pockets.” Just think of the possibilities! Do you want to carry around your cell phone, wallet, camera, a few pens and a deck of cards all at once? Then do it! A lack of pockets certainly won’t be holding you back.  How about a GI Joe, He-Man and Battle Cat action figures, a handful of Werther’s Originals and pack of gum? You are super cool and this shirt sounds like your dream come true! Maybe you want to swing by the gym after work and need to carry a change of clothes. Well, too bad, because there’s no way you’re fitting all that in these small pockets, I don’t care how many there are. Get a gym bag, stupid.

And yet, I’m worried I’ve already become too complacent with simply five pockets. There’s still so much pocketless material hanging out all over this shirt. Look at those barren sleeves. How long are we going to have to wait for sleeve pockets? Designers, make it work!