I haven’t shaved since the morning of Thursday, March 18. I’d say things aren’t looking all that great:

The big problem is, like any time I’ve tried to grow a beard, things just don’t fill in properly. It’s like my facial hair has a very low resolution, a small “hairs per inch.” My beard was designed on an 8-bit Nintendo while full, proper beards are running on a Play Station 3.

Regardless, the beard continues. Championship or bust! Go Orange. Shut it down!

We have had some good times together. And the bag has received many, what I will call, “compliments.” Yes, everyone loves it. Why wouldn’t they?

Several months ago I packed the backpack for an excursion into New York City. In the bag went clothes, iPod, camera, and my toiletries, including a bottle of cologne. But maybe I’ve said too much already.

As usual, things were going great with me and my bag. He held stuff securely as we had fun, looking so fresh & so clean the entire time. On my last day in New York City I had some time on my own before catching my bus ride home, so I decided to walk across town. Just me and my bag and an insatiable curiosity!

But as I made my way down the streets of NYC, I noticed that everyone passing by me was wearing a lot of cologne. No, not just a lot. It seemed all the men in NYC bathed in cologne. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 guys walked by me, all seemingly drenched in some strongly scented perfume. “Why,” I thought, “do so many men in New York wear so much damn cologne?”

And then finally it hit me. On a street corner (probably next to one of 150 H&Ms in NYC), I unpacked my bag to confirm my fears. I found an open bottle and a pool of cologne at the bottom of the bag.

Right there I cleaned the bag the best I could. I repacked it and made my way home, stowing it in the undercarriage of the bus. The smell held strong the whole bus ride. I hoped airing it out over time would do the trick. On my body the cologne usually loses its scent by the end of the day. Over a few weeks the odor on the bag did not relent. Since then I have soaked it in Woolight. I have thrown the bag in the washing machine. The scent has only faded slightly, but it will not leave. In fact, on a long car ride today I noticed the scent return with a new vengeance as it sat in the window, baking in the sun.

I like my cologne. It took me awhile to find a scent I was comfortable with and this one is perfect when used in moderation. But this stench that has grabbed hold of my bag is something completely different.

So I turn to you, Voters. What do I do? How do I send this uninvited guest home? What can I do to return my bag to its untainted and scent free existence?

But boy are they bright. So bright that I’ve noticed people looking, no, staring at my feet as they pass me. My orange shoes shuffle by and all eyes are just following their every step.

Hello, people! Eye contact, ever heard of it? My eyes are up here! Show me a little respect, please. What, am I just a nice pair of orange shoes to you?! Did you not hear about my “glorious ass” you should be staring at too? Or maybe, just maybe, you could talk to me instead of treating me like nothing more than an expertly dyed combination of leather, nylon and rubber.

This has been an epiphany. I want to apologize to all women for years of trying to secretly stare at places my line of sight should not be venturing. I realize now how disrespectful and humiliating this can be. And I promise to never stare at your chest or other various body parts again. Unless they are swathed in orange, in which case I have absolutely no control on how my eyes react.

Isn’t he beautiful?

He followed me home from the metro today and now he’s watching over my apartment from my kitchen table. I’m not allowed to have pets in my apartment, but this guy’s pretty quiet, so I think I can get away with keeping him a secret.

He doesn’t have a name yet though. Help me name him. But first, I’ll help you get to know him.

I noticed immediately that he’s quite proud (as he should be. look at those beautiful feathers!).

But he can be sweet and demure when he wants to be.

And yet you definitely won’t forget this face if you cross him in a dark alley.

Gives me shivers!

Coincidentally, he loves the Syracuse Orange, just like I do.

And he’s already making friends with Chia Scooby.

This really says a lot because Chia Scooby picks his friends very carefully (him and the Beatles DO NOT get along. Long story for another time).

But don’t forget the bling! He prefers his bling to be white and fuzzy.

So what’s the perfect name for a bling wearing, orange crazed, proud, yet menacing and demure at the same time rooster who lives on my kitchen table? I’m open to all ideas. But be nice, because he’s got his eye on you!

And just as the weather is about to take a turn for the cold, Sarah surprised me with this Syracuse Orange knitted hat

It’s impossible not to look good in this thing. It looks good when I’m just chillin’, watching my Syracuse Orange play:

It would look good if I tried to wear it while solving crime:

It even looks good when I’m getting all fanciful up in this piece:

And it’s not just me that looks fresh in this thing.

My stuffed animal Blizzard is quite jealous of my new chapeau:

but he did point out that it doesn’t match his sweater and he’s already embarassed enough to not be wearing any pants…

Although Jigga might not admit it, he too wants to don this winter hat:

Ch-ch-ch-chia pets may be fun to grow, but Chia Scooby told me he’d much rather be wearing this hat than his mane of green chia hair:

“Yo quiero this Syracuse Orange hat!”

But to their collective dismay, the hat is for me to wear and wear it I will, proudly. Thank you Sarah for helping me show my Syracuse Orange pride.

I do find the following quote funny though.

We are the only school in the country with orange as its primary (official) color. You can identify some other schools that have orange as a color, but it’s not their primary (only) color and we want to accentuate that we are the only school with orange as its main (only) color.

No, you’re totally right. I can’t think of even one school that has orange as its primary color. Seriously, there are no other schools.

I guess this means I’m buying a new hat. Wow, look at all that orange on the hat. It’s almost blinding.

With my sister I recently bought 7 Washington Wizards (who will from now on be referred to by me as the Washington Bullets because “wizards” is just a lame name) tickets for 100 level seats. Yesterday we saw the Bullets get beat up on by the New York Knicks. Sad.

But a few highlights from the game:
• This was our view. It’s the first time I’ve been able to watch the game with my own eyes rather than look at the giant screen hanging from the center of the arena. Most of the upcoming games I’m going to will have this view, which is basically just on the opposite side of the floor.
• I got a Washington Bullets lunch box just for coming to the game. Yes, at my new job I do plan on bringing all my lunches in this lunch box.

  I know you’re straining to see what’s written on the side of the lunch box so I’ll go ahead and answer that for you: This lunch box is sponsored by Hebrew National, once again giving support to the stereotype that Jews run the sporting world (What do you mean you haven’t heard that stereotype? The stereotypes go like this: we control all the banks and the media, we’re amazing in bed and we control the sporting world. What do you mean you haven’t heard the last 2 before? No I’m not making those up, but they must come from somewhere. Oh yeah, that’s right ladies.) In addition, while I will be bringing all my lunches in this box, I won’t be bringing turkey and cheese sandwiches or shrimp kabobs.

• I snagged this ultra hip DC Lottery hat. And I actually did “snag” the hat – it fell from the roof of the MCI Center while attached to this DC Lottery mini-parachute. Note on the mini-parachute: my roommate’s cat likes to wander around our apartment’s balcony but we always worry she might get stuck and plummet to the ground. This parachute might be the solution we have been looking for.
• I got to see Syracuse alum Etan Thomas score 8 points, grab 5 rebounds and block 2 shots. He’s a star!
• Quote of the Game: “Put the Passion of Christ on the floor!” No, the Bullets didn’t just pick Jesus up off of waivers. That’s former Duke star Christian Laettner. Stay back ladies, he’s married.

Today is the greatest day of my life.

from the Button Maker