Listen, we need to talk about something personal. This might be a little uncomfortable but it is very important. So let me cut straight to the point:
What are you using to wipe your butt after you poo?
Toilet paper, I know. But what do you use after the toilet paper? What do you mean, “what do you mean?” You’re using something to clean your butt after you wipe it with toilet paper…right? Hey hey, don’t walk away from me. I warned you this might be a little uncomfortable!
I’ll put it another way: let’s say a bird pooped on your arm. What would you do to clean it up? Would you wipe the mess up with dry paper towels and be done with it? I think we can agree that would be disgusting. And yet that is basically what most people are doing in the bathroom every day (75% of households as of October 2009). For some reason, what is considered terrible hygiene for other parts of our body is just par-for-the-course for our butts.
Poor butt hygiene must come to an end now!
“So what’s the answer, Adam? All that’s out there is toilet paper.” No, my friend, you are wrong.
Please, allow the toilet paper experts at Charmin to explain:
Flushable wipes, people! Used as an added step after toilet paper! It’s the best and easiest way to actually get clean “down there,” and why wouldn’t you want that?!
I still sense some skepticism. I just ask that you give this a try once: if you’re not already using flushable moist wipes then pick up a pack the next time you’re shopping for toilet paper (all the big name brands are making their own versions: Cottonelle Fresh Flushable Moist Wipes [also offered as "singles," which come individually wrapped so you can have that "clean in-between feeling" even when on the go], Charmin Fresh Mates, Scott Naturals Flushable Moist Wipes [flushable AND tossable!], and probably numerous others). Go through your normal wiping routine and then use a flushable moist wipe. But before you flush it, look at the residue that is left behind on the wipe. If what you see does not make you change your wiping practices then either you shit crystal turds or you are satisfied being a dirty human being.
All I can do is have this conversation with you and try to point you in the right direction. We can all “be kind to your behind;” the tools we need are out there. The rest, my friend, is up to you.
Do-It-Yourself Tip #874 Learned From the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill: Bathroom toilet has burst, spewing gallons of water all over your bathroom floor? No problem!
